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contains strong language and mild sexual content

0461: Don't Give a Damlet in I Think Therefore Iamb 21st Nov, 2018
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0461: Don't Give a Damlet
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Author Notes:
User comments:

Microraptor
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Microraptor
So, if Jon is the blood relative of one half of a "star-crossed lovers" style couple...
And Anna, as Gemma's roommate, is associated with the other half...

Uh oh...

Let's hope that they don't reenact that one scene with Tybalt and Mercutio...
(Cue Anna angrily proclaiming: "A plague o' both your houses!")
Mel Cormac
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Mel Cormac
I can confirm now that no one will die in this laughing comic.

Though your concerns are reasonable.
JammyTheBirb
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JammyTheBirb
Oh man... Imagining all of Romeo and Juliet rewritten for these nerds...

"Do you flip the bird at us, sir?"
"I do flip the bird, sir."
"Do you flip the bird at us, sir?"
"Is the law of our side if I say ay?"
"No."
"No, sir, I do not flip you off sir; but I flip the bird, sir."
Mel Cormac
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Mel Cormac
brb making a kickstarter for Romeo & Juliet as performed by the Waste Of Time cast
ProfEtheric
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ProfEtheric
Through this whole scenario, I am reminded (in a good way) of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode "Once More With Feeling", which is one of my favorites.

No one is safe here from Bardic language...
Mel Cormac
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Mel Cormac
That was such a good episode!! Definitely at least part inspiration for this!
junoro
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junoro
Golly, this is great. I love this extra level of work to make their dialogue understandable but with that extra challenge of making it follow this poetic structure!

Also, it seems as though the link in your author comments might be broken? When I click it, it leads to an error page!
Mel Cormac
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Mel Cormac
Thanks! I actually found it super interesting how little I really had to change to make them sound "Shakespearean"! The rhythm goes a long way! The rhyming was the hardest part.

And aw nuts thanks for letting me know. I'm having real trouble with links in author comments lately. Hopefully it should work now.
steveha
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steveha
But soft! Doth Jon by his mere presence make
His brother in iambic meter speak?

Or doth Jon's very mind crack at the seams,
Just hearing sounds of waking fever'd dreams?

I don't know which, I only feel Jon's spell;
To try my hand at verse I'm now compell'd.

No English major me; computers are
The bread and butter of my life so far.

I spend my days writing in humble Pyth'n
A language that the Bard would not delight'n.



Okay, I hang my head in shame for those last two lines. If I understand the form correctly they both have an extra syllable they shouldn't have, and the 'n thing is just bad cheating for which I must be shamed.

By day I am a "computer hacker" writing in a programming language called Python. Composing bad verse about it is a completely new form of hackery.

P.S. No other comic has ever made me want to try to write in this style. I hope that your feeling of entertainment exceeds your feeling of cringe when you read this.

P.P.S. I'm not sure the Bard would approve of me using "butt" as a stressed syllable either ("bread and butt-er").
Mel Cormac
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Mel Cormac
No cringe at all! This is amazing! It really delights me that this chapter has made so many people write comments in that style! The question is, am I irresponsible for spreading this curse further, through the internet? :P

And yeah, I'm using a few cheats to get the syllables right (in't, suppos'd, etc) and I refuse to accept that Shakespeare didn't use contractions for the same reason!
anonymous coward (Guest)
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One of the better things about Shakespeare is that he was never "too good" for a sex joke. You're fine with stressing 'butt' as a syllable.

P.S. I shake my head at anyone calling themself a humble programmer. You're a practitioner of the dark arts of information technology which is building up the tyrants of today and tomorrow. Don't be humble about it, be proud. :)
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/10/yuval-noah-harari-technology-tyranny/568330/
Mel Cormac
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Mel Cormac
Oh yeah, dude had some filthy jokes. From my understanding, he wasn't so highbrow as he's made out to be. He was a good writer sure, but definitely not above "base" humour.
steveha
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steveha
My impression was that he was a writer who kept cranking out crowd-pleasing plays, not a really highbrow super-respected man in his own time. And we revere him for writing so well even though he didn't have the time to sit around in an ivory tower polishing his writing endlessly. He kinda was his period's equivalent of a TV show writer, but he wrote much better than typical modern dumb TV shows.
Mel Cormac
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Mel Cormac
I totally agree! I once compared him to Michael Bay, and my friend got a bit miffed with me. A solid TV writer might be a better comparison.
steveha
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steveha
When I realized that the stressed syllable made the phrase sound like "humble pie" I just had to leave that there, even though I had to cheat to make it work. I didn't plan it but I like it.

I enjoy my work. Computer programs need to be perfect, and humans aren't perfect so it can be difficult. But we computer hackers have evolved various tricks to incrementally arrive at reliable programs... for example, often we can make our code run tests on itself, so the tests are convenient and we run the tests frequently. When we have something working and make a dumb change that introduces a problem, it's great when we run the test suite and find the error immediately, before it can cause a problem.

What I do is somewhere between an art and a science. I love it and I am thankful I can do work I love.
anonymous coward (Guest)
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I like the idea that this was all in Jon's head, and that Seth and Gemma weren't actually talking like that. The real question is whether Jon was talking like that to Seth: I think he was, which is one of the reasons why Seth started worrying.

Go to the library Jon, the library! Librarians have seen shit, they'll know what to do about this curse, or at least how to look up what to do about it.
Mel Cormac
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Mel Cormac
I decided to leave it up to interpretation as to whether Jon is actually speaking that way to others. I think it's funnier if he is though.